dsovka's blog
Champion Champignon
by David Sovka
The more you learn about mushrooms, the better you understand why this gastronomic delicacy is so highly recommended in up-market restaurants: Europeans want to kill us.
To Sir, With Love
by David Sovka
Contrary to what your mother told you, it’s not always nice to be polite. More people are polite to me each week, which turns out to be confusing and hurtful. For example, nearly every day students at my college publicly refer to me as “sir.” They do this as they hold open doors for me, offer to carry my stuff, and smile reassuringly. Bastards.
When All Else Fails
by David Sovka
Fit tab A into slot B. Fold along dotted line. Mash into pulp, clench teeth, yell at dog.
Like most men, I refuse to read instruction manuals, no matter what. Guys regard manuals as crutches for the weak and simple-minded, and so eschew them altogether. Eschew and spit out.
Spring Forward, Fall Back
by David Sovka
The thing I most remember about Junior High School is math class with Mr. Rustling. He was an okay guy, by which I mean that to my knowledge he never killed any of his students when, after he asked for the answer to a simple math problem, they would respond along the lines of, “Huh? What page are we on?” This happened a lot.
Spiders
by David Sovka
My friend Simon Pollard is a renowned spider biologist and Hollywood bug wrangler (he looked after all the big spiders used in the Jurassic Park movies, for example). Simon is also Curator of Invertebrate Zoology at the Canterbury Museum in Christchurch, where I met him and his Canadian girlfriend, about ten years ago.
Run!
by David Sovka
University and college athletics is big business, particularly in the USA, where successful institutional brands are often built on sport cheers – spontaneous, exciting, grassroot expressions of school spirit, beer and tight cheerleader outfits.
An Apple a Day Keeps the Dentist in Hay
by David Sovka
This week three people asked me whether or not I know a good dentist in town. Well, of course not. That’s like asking someone if he knows a good contract hit man, or a good crack whore. In my experience, no dentist is good. Not going-to-heaven good.
